#overly sincere post but here. take it

[tinystepsforward]

my therapist went to a seminar last week about childhood trauma and shame and we talked about some stuff that was helpful for me so maybe it'll be helpful for other people too.

in short, when your childhood's been Bad in a particular way repeatedly or over a period of time, fight and flight don't work, right? you can't fight it every time. you can't leave. so what you've got left is surrendering for your survival.

and if you've done that for a while, growing up, then it becomes really difficult to not just wave that white flag whenever anything related to that Bad or to the family involved comes up! bc your brain thinks that if you don't surrender you'll fucking die.

(on that note: she also told me off for repeatedly being like "but it wasn't life or death tho". if you were at a point where you had to make that choice to survive, your brain was parsing it as life or death ⁠— at least psychologically if not immediately physically.)

and it can feel really pathetic! that shame grows from the moment you first make that choice to live, bc surrendering is accepting that to live, you gotta see them as more important than you. it's humiliating. and that shame grows roots, and becomes this thing that eats your life, that what's wrong with me, why can't i do this. that maybe i don't deserve to do this.

i'm working on trying to set boundaries and/or address issues with family and i'm nearly thirty and have built a whole fuckin life for myself and it still makes me want to die every single time. but my therapist wanted to acknowledge the monumental work it takes to even get to the point where you think that you might want to set those boundaries. and i'm proud of myself, on some level. and if you're doing that work, i'm proud of you too.

[threeacttragedy]

Entry 7: The One Where the Queen Asked, “Did That Go the Way You Thought It Was Gonna Go?”

I’m probably one of the few people in this fandom who find Antonia entertaining.

Goddammit – put down your fucking pitchforks!

I didn’t say I liked her – I simply said I found her entertaining.

If Antonia’s existence bothers the fuck out of you, you’ll likely enjoy my commentary here.

*And, right about here is when I’ll slip in my disclaimer: this is my opinion only; merely speculation based on information that is out there in the public realm.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes, Antonia. I don’t find her entertaining because I think she’s a great dancer. Is she? You tell me. I mean, I have two left feet so just about anyone is better than me.

And, I have never seen a picture or video where she’s made me “like” her as a person. In fact, she comes off more like a villain, but not a brilliant villain (I might like her, then). She’s more like an Iago to, say, Deux Mois’ Jafar.

I just find her so fucking reckless, but in the most amusing way possible. If she were a movie, I’d give her 4/5 stars. The movie would be a low-budget comedy, of course.

In my opinion, she loves to troll the fandom and I’m convinced she must have notifications turned on for Nicola. The patterns started patterning early on during the World Tour (and probably before). The problem is, she’s just not great at trolling. Her attempts always fall flat, and she ends up making herself look like, well, a tryhard (hence why her movie only gets 4/5 stars).

I’m not sure what Antonia ever was to Luke but, at a minimum, I will (begrudgingly) say they dated. I know some people don’t want to hear that, but she was a player in this game for a reason. Rumor also suggests she, at the very least, squatted in Luke’s flat (and I don’t mean in THAT way).

That said, I believe she was officially taken out of the game at the end of July. However, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t still making noise from the sidelines.

One of the most humorous (in my opinion) “rah rahs” Antonia pulled was on September 28 when she posted some stories of herself at a theatre. I’m not sure if she could have been any more obvious when trying to show us her phone screen. The screen was lit up, her thumb pressed against it, and angled almost directly at the person taking the picture.  We get it, honey. You want us to see what’s on your screen. Not surprisingly, it appeared to be a blurry ass picture of Luke.

Big whoop, right? Well, actually it was because the Conscientiously Stupid took this as confirmation Luke and Antonia were together (again) and the Sincerely Ignorant swallowed their cyanide pills without water (again). And, the Fact Finders, while trying to resuscitate their dearly beloved Sincerely Ignorant friends foaming at their mouths, immediately called “bullshit” (again). The picture appeared to be old and, to be honest, it was too blurry to tell who was on the screen – although I will concede it could have been Luke. In fact, I tend to believe it was an old picture of Luke based on what happened next.

The problem with Antonia’s play style is that she doesn’t seem to catch on to the rules. She moves her pawn two spaces because she can, not because it advances her game. She has this nasty habit of ignoring, say, the opposing party’s pawn, which is in position to en passant her overly confident pawn.

Nicola had been living high on life throughout the month of September, which, in my opinion, is quite possibly the reason why Antonia seemed a bit unhinged by the end of the month (jealousy can make us do crazy shit). Among other things, Nicola had the Emmy’s (and the Wordle), the Gucci show, and, on October 1, she was presenting Simone with a Glamour Award. By this point, I believe Nicola had had enough of Antonia’s gameplay. The phone screen had struck a chord.

So, what does Nicola do?

She plays the game right back but not like she normally does with Scrabble boards, Dewy Skin Creams, and BTS wedding footage dropped at the perfect moment. This time, she does it with a power move that left her hands virtually spotless.

On October 3, Halley Brisker, Nicola’s frequent hairstylist, posted a set of four pictures to his Instagram grid, three of which showed Nicola casually posing for the camera and one showing Nicola in the process of having her hair done. It was the latter picture (#3/4 in the slide deck) that perked every Lukolas’ ears.

Low and behold sat a man, his face conveniently covered by a hairdresser’s arm, but his hands in full view. Hands that, at this point, we (embarrassingly) know too well. To date, no one has debunked the theory – more like, assertion – that the man in the picture is Luke.

Nicola liked this post by Halley, and even commented, “You legend [red heart emoji].” You’re welcome to read between the lines on that one.

I’ve always believed this Halley Brisker photo dump was Nicola’s very clever, albeit indirect, way of telling Antonia, “Checkmate, bitch.”

The point of this entry is not to convince you that Antonia is a red herring (she is), or that Luke is in the Halley Brisker photo dump (he is), or that Nicola plays the game better than most (she does). No, the point of this entry is to tell you Antonia’s game is over (because it is). Antonia lost.

So why does she remain on the roster?

Because, collectively, we as fans keep her there, sitting along the sidelines in her collapsable camp chair making noise with her cowbell. We pay attention to what she posts. We talk about what she posts. We argue over what she posts. We panic about what she posts. WE keep her in the game.

How about we don’t?

Why not start off this week with a positive change? And, not just for the USS Lukola, but for yourself as well.

If you’re following Antonia on social media (for sinister reasons) – stop. Meander over to Instagram, X, Tiktok, whatever, and unfollow her. Don’t look back. Stop checking her page. If you see or hear she has a new post, ignore it. Move on. The first day will be hard. But, the second day will be easier. You know where I’m going with this…

I mean, Luke can’t quietly unfollow her if we’re constantly looking in that direction, right?

P.S. If you need more convincing that Antonia’s shelf life has expired, I have a CliffsNotes response for that: https://www.tumblr.com/threeacttragedy/767137910999957504/great-blog-but-if-all-was-not-good-with-l-and-a?source=share.

P.P.S. Moving forward, I don’t give two boiled rabbits about what Antonia does. I will most certainly refer back to her in a historical sense (she does fill in bits and pieces of the Lukola timeline), but if she posts a crockpot tomorrow, don’t expect me to comment on what could be in it.

P.P.P.S. If you have any understanding of what the little chessboard I’ve dropped in to my picture means, I salute you.

[opiumwings]

୨୧ her favorite way to flirt with you

pairing - aespa x fem!reader

genre - wlw, fluff, idol x idol, headcannons

w.c - 611

KARINA 𝜗𝜚

Jimin doesn’t flirt so much as hover, in that silent, magnetic way where she’s never far from you without being obvious about it. Her favorite way to flirt is through prolonged eye contact. 

𝜗𝜚 During dance practices, she’ll catch your gaze in the mirror and hold it—even when the move is supposed to end, she lingers a second longer, and a corner of her mouth twitches up like she knows exactly what she’s doing. 

𝜗𝜚 She always “just happens” to be next to you during post-stage cool downs, handing you your water bottle with a soft, “You were amazing today,” like it’s casual…but her fingers linger a little too long when they brush yours. 

𝜗𝜚 On quieter days, she types up lyrics she thinks describes you, in Notes app font, and air-drops them to you mid-rehearsal with no context. When you look up, she’s smirking, already pretending to stretch. 

“You never say it, but your eyes do.” 

GISELLE 𝜗𝜚

Aeri’s the kind of flirter who makes everything a bit, her humor is her superpower and her favorite way to flirt is making you laugh until you forget your lines. 

𝜗𝜚 “Oops, I tripped–guess I need someone to catch me forever.” she says, dramatically pretending to fall into your arms between takes. 

𝜗𝜚 During interviews, she’ll sneak in inside jokes that only you understand, winking after the delivery. 

𝜗𝜚 If you’re having a bad day, she’ll steal the karaoke mic in the dorm and serenade you with ridiculous improvised love songs like: “This one goes out to the prettiest backup dancer in the world who also steals my conditioner…” 

𝜗𝜚 But when it’s just the two of you backstage, her jokes get softer. “If I make you laugh this hard, imagine how happy we’d be for real.” she grins, but you feel the sincerity bloom like a secret between the punchlines. 

“I know I joke a lot…but I’m not kidding about you.” 

WINTER 𝜗𝜚

Minjeong flirts like a grumpy cat who secretly loves cuddles, she doesn’t say sweet things—she says mildly insulting things with the affection of someone who knows you can tell she’s obsessed with you. 

𝜗𝜚 “You look stupidly cute today.” she mumbles when you show up with a new hair clip. 

𝜗𝜚 She flirts by being overly casual about her touch—resting her head on your shoulder during breaks, kicking your foot under the table, holding your hand and pretending it’s just “for fun.” 

𝜗𝜚 Sends you TikToks with captions like “this is you” and it’s a girl failing to open a juice bottle. 

𝜗𝜚 But if anyone else so much as tries to flirt with you at an event, she’s suddenly pressed against your side, whispering a snarky “Should I be jealous, or are you just trying to get on my nerves?” 

“I don’t like people, but you’re okay. I guess.” 

NINGNING 𝜗𝜚 

Yizhou is an affection bomb, she flirts like she knows you already love her and she’s just here to keep winning you over every day. 

𝜗𝜚 She leaves lipstick marks on your mirror. Yes, actually. She would draw little hearts and writes “Miss me? 💋” with your favorite lip tint. 

𝜗𝜚 She’ll steal your hoodie, take mirror selfies in it, and then send them to you captioned: “Your girlfriend looks good, huh?” 

𝜗𝜚 At fan signs, she’ll wink at you across the table, mouthing “Mine.” Even if fans are watching…especially if fans are watching. 

𝜗𝜚 If she sees you tired, she’ll plop her head in your lap and demand, “Cuddle me. It’ll make you feel better. I promise.” 

“Flirting? No, this is just me being cute. You should be used to it by now.” 

[mintarot]

Pick a Card - What energy is walking beside you this week? ⋆˚✿˖°

Hi, I’m Min, here's my first post and my introduction!

I’m a tarot reader who loves blending intuition, kindness, and a little sprinkle of magic to help you find clarity and comfort!

Welcome to my first Pick-A-Card reading! This Pick-a-Card reading is a general message for anyone who chooses that pile. For custom readings tailored specifically to you and your questions, please consider booking an in-depth reading here! (other methods of booking available, check out them out under ‘services’!).☘︎ ݁˖

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Without further ado, let's jump right into the reading!

Below are three cards, each holds a unique message just for you. Trust your intuition, pick the pile that calls to you most, and let’s see what guidance the cards have to offer. Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn't! ♡

!! Disclaimer: My readings are not meant to substitute advice from professionals, please consult professionals in cases of physical, mental health, legal, finance, etc. Please do not copy or redistribute my content, thanks! 🫶🏻

Card 1 ⟶ Card 2 ⟶ Card 3

Card 1 - 10 of wands (Red Jasper)

The energy going into the this week may be a little heavy, like the world has handed you a large to-do list that you have to complete alone. Whether it’s school, work or home life, this card suggests a build up of pressure and responsibilities. And it’s not just about the amount of responsibilities that you may need to take on, you may care deeply about these tasks and responsibilities a lot as well and you may feel the need to live up to the expectations of yourself and others, thus the pressure of doing things perfectly. This card reminds you that, you are not alone, ask for help when you need so that you don’t burn yourself out this week. There will be people happy to help you out and lighten your workload. Prioritize your workload, you don’t have to do everything at once. Let go of the non-essential workloads or delegate them so you don’t get exhausted as you finish them. And remember, perfection is not required, as long as your heart is genuine and sincere, people will feel the effort put into completing these task. Remember to take care and nurture yourself, rest and recharge when you need to. You deserve it! 💖

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Card 2 - Judgement reversed (Tourmalinated quartz)

This week may bring may bring an overly critical energy from within. You may be prone to harsh self-criticism and hesitation, feeling like you’re not good enough or a feeling of being left behind, and having to catch up to everyone else. There could be a lack of confidence and the fear of making the best decisions that’s causing this self-criticism. Judgement reversed urges you be to be kind to yourself and trust your gut feelings and intuition. You are not falling behind, everyone unfolds at their own pace. Don’t be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone or making the ‘wrong decisions’. Let go of the need to be perfect or make the ‘right decision’ and embrace the journey of imperfection. You may be prone to overthinking or overanalyzing and it may cause missed opportunities, so this reinforces the message of embrace change and imperfection. This week, be around people and activities that make you happy. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Step out of your comfort zone and take risks you have never taken before, enjoy the process and learn from the messiness. Be unapologetically you! 🌟

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Card 3 - 9 of swords reversed (Lemon Citrine)

This week bring about a refreshing energy for you. Perhaps you may have been stressed or worried this past few weeks, but this week, the heaviness may begin to ease and things will start to change for the better. The source of your stress, especially the ones that keep you up at night or the self-doubt that has quietly followed you will slowly but surely begin to dissipate and lose its grip on you. The cloudy and foggy skies will start to clear and will soon reveal the sun. This doesn’t mean that instantly fixed, instead, healing is in motion. You’re finding your way through it, even if it’s just baby steps. But even these baby steps will lead to something much bigger and better for you. So this card urges you to trust the process and the universe, you’re not online. Rest and breathe, trust that everything will get better and better. You’re moving forward! ☁️

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This concludes my first Pick-A-Card reading! Hope you enjoyed and the readings resonated with you! Leave a comment if it did, I would love to hear about what resonated with you! Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated as well! 🫶🏻

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⊹܀˙ dividers by @cursed-carmine header picture not owned by me, credits to rightful owners ⊹܀˙

[fabbyf1]

just a reminder to all my lovely followers to take a deep breath.

drink some water. have a snack. close your eyes for a few minutes. log off for a while. watch something that makes you happy. listen to some music, or a podcast, or anything that makes you smile

please don't let formula 1 ruin your mental health.

my timeline is an... interesting place to be today. i have seen a lot of posts that make me think "oh no... i hope that person is okay." a lot of people are sad today (for valid reasons!) and a lot of people are happy (also for valid reasons!) and it's okay to be either or both, but it's a great time to remember that you will be okay.

and that you will make it through this.

please don't let formula 1 ruin your mental health.

i know it's hard not to get overly attached to drivers, especially when we have so much access to them and consume so much of their content. and i know watching them leave the sport feels like everything is over and that you'll never enjoy it like you once did.

but as someone who has been around this sport for a while, i can tell you that your love for it will come back, and you'll fall in love with other drivers. and, if not, you can step away from the sport with absolutely no repercussions! none of us are getting paid to be here. (at least i'm not.)

please, please, please log off for a while if you're are actively hurting over this.

i promise you it's not worth it.

i'm here if anybody wants some forced elderly advice about putting yourself first <3

sincerely, grandma

[yourbasicqueerie]

The Goddess Who Promises Endless Apologies Of Paradise (fosca x reader)

꩜ Summary:

Basically the plot of Passion but in which Fosca is acc appreciated and seen for the wonderful, hurt, tortured, beautiful woman she is. Gender bent in the sense that the reader is called georgia morandi.

꩜ Notes:

So….i watched passion and was mentally tortured by this godamned apology for godly writing (fuck you Steven sondheim and your bigger than life characters, if you where a woman I would have burned you at the stake for having such an amazing understanding of feelings, but since ur not ill suffice by kicking the doors of heaven and screaming at ur face) until I wrote this. I have a few chapters done, but idk how its going to end (IF I end this), so….join me for this ride! I made a playlist for fosca! U can find it here

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

You arrive alone.

The coach deposits you at the gate of the military outpost like an afterthought, mud splashing the hem of your dark skirts. You thank the driver—reflex more than sincerity—and step out onto unfamiliar soil.

 The wind here is rawer than in Milan, and the trees stand brittle and still, as if even the land is holding its breath.

A soldier escorts you through the gate and up the path toward the estate—a large, aging villa that has known better decades. You pull your coat tighter. A place like this feels less like a new post and more like an exile.

Inside, Colonel Ricci awaits you.

“You must be Signorina Giorgia,” he says, his voice clipped and proper.

You nod. “Yes, Colonel. Giorgia Morandi.”

He takes your gloved hand with practiced politeness. “I trust your journey was uneventful?”

You offer a neutral smile. “Long.”

He chuckles—thinly. “All roads here are long. But we’re glad to have you, especially for the work ahead. Our records are a mess.”

And that’s why you’re here, at least officially: to assist with administrative duties, sorting through months of disorganized military correspondence, budgets, transfers. On paper, it’s a bureaucrat’s post. In truth, you know you were chosen not only for your skills, but your gender—perhaps the Colonel believes that the presence of a woman in such a sterile place might be… soothing. You’re not flattered.

As you follow him through the hall, he says, “You’ll find the soldiers here rough around the edges. But harmless, mostly.”

“Mostly?”

He doesn’t answer.

You are shown to a modest room upstairs. The shutters creak when you touch them. There is no mirror.

You eat your first dinner in the mess hall with a cluster of officers. The table is loud with male voices—laughter, teasing, offhand remarks about Milanese women. You let most of it wash over you, your posture straight, your expression unreadable. You’ve dealt with worse.

Someone asks why your husband didn’t accompany you.

“I came here to work,” you say, evenly. “Not to bring a chaperone.”

It’s true. You left him in Milan to tend to the family business. You didn’t kiss him goodbye. Your marriage is lavender at best—pleasant in social function, barren of intimacy. He doesn’t love you, and you don’t love him. You both prefer it that way.

Still, your voice catches slightly when you say the word “husband,” and you scold yourself for it. You’ve lived your life with grace, with pragmatism. There’s no use craving what you were never meant to have.

Just when you were trying to pry off an overly drunk official—

A scream.

It’s not a cry or a shriek, not something childish or sudden. It is a full-body, soul-wracking scream, raw and unfiltered, tearing through the air from somewhere above.

Your spoon clatters into your bowl.

No one else even flinches.

You look around, stunned, your pulse racing. “Was that—?”

The Colonel does not look up from his soup. “Fosca.”

“Fosca?”

“My cousin,” he says simply. “She has… fits. You'll get used to it.”

You don’t respond. The table resumes its conversation as though a ghost hadn’t just howled through the house.

That night, you lie awake. You hear nothing anymore, but the echo of the scream stays with you, embedded beneath your ribs.

The next morning, you begin your duties. The Colonel has given you a cramped study that smells of paper and disuse. You open your case, arrange your fountain pens, smooth your skirt over your lap. Work is good. Work is order.

Still, sometime after lunch, you knock on Ricci’s office door.

“I was wondering,” you say. “Would it be possible to send a few books to your cousin?”

Ricci blinks. “Books?”

“I brought several with me. I thought perhaps she might.…enjoy something to pass the time.”

He considers this. “Yes,” he says at last. “Yes, I’ll make sure she receives them.”

He takes the small parcel—three novels, well-worn—and sets them aside.

“She’s not quite like other women, you understand.”

“I gathered,” you say carefully.

“She’s very sensitive. I trust you won’t take her… condition too personally.”

“No. But I won’t ignore it, either.”

He says nothing. You leave.

That evening, another scream. Softer this time. But it cuts even deeper.

You find yourself standing in the hallway outside the upper rooms. Just standing. Listening.

You don’t knock.

You return to your own quarters, palms cold, heart unsettled.

You’ve always been practical. You’ve always known your place.

But you’ve never heard a woman sound like that.

I HAVE 3 CHAPTERS OUT ON AO3, READ HERE

[dark-romance-yan]

Make Me Forget

Yandere Jiyan-First Time meeting since you broke up.

A/N; This is just a one-shot of Jiyan from Wuthering Waves as a yandere. I'm in a writing mood so plz send requests if you'd like. Info about requests n stuff are on the pinned post in my profile.

Warnings; It's basically just pure smut about half way into it, p in v intercourse, slight choking(?), dirty talk, coercion, afab reader, UNEDITED

Wordcount; 6,800+

You and Jiyan broke up about two years ago, well, you broke up with him. He wasn't willing to let you go, fought endlessly to convince you to stay with him, promised you that he would change his possessive and overly protective nature. But he never did, he couldn't, not with how dangerous the world is. You had to stay home where it was safe, stay within the city of Jinzhou, not to step a foot outside the walls. He'd always make the excuse that it's far too dangerous for you to leave despite your arguments of how you can take care of yourself. You just wanted to explore but he wouldn't let you. And it's not like he could go out with you very often due to how busy he is with his duties as General of the Midnight Rangers. So you made the decision to end the relationship with him, moved out of your shared home while he was out on a mission and left a sincere letter for him on his desk.

During the first couple of months, Jiyan pleaded for you to come back home to him, to be his again, but you refused. He'd write love letters to you whenever he had a moment to spare but you never wrote back, never gave him the time of day anymore. So he let you go, or at least that's what you thought when the letters stopped. Within the past two years, Jiyan had been keeping tabs on you, gaining information from a certain information broker he's acquainted with. Anyone you dated mysteriously disappeared or passed away.

At present, you're sitting on fallen log outside the city walls of Jinzhou gazing at nothing in particular as you try to cope with the deep pain of losing your boyfriend due to a tacet discord attack a week ago. You don't even know how it could have happened, the guards had cleared the area he was exploring but a tacet discord happened to appear out of thin air and killed him. It had to be a coincidence this was the third time this happened to someone you were dating, right?

For the past two years you've felt nothing but pain and loss, only having brief moments of happiness but it's all snatched away when someone close to you vanishes from your life suddenly. Is this karma for something you did in your past?

Before you could continue with your thoughts, there is a deep and low growl behind you. Slowly turning to look behind you, there is a wolf tacet discord behind you, growling as it charges to attack you. You close your eyes and raise your arms to brace yourself for the impact but it never comes. Instead you're greeted with a familiar voice that you haven't heard in so long. "Are you alright?" You peak out from behind your arms to see Jiyan rubbing his shoulder and the fading tacet discord behind him. Sighing, you drop your arms back to your sides, trying to not act amused to see him meanwhile inside your heart flutters in a way it hasn't in a long time. "Yeah, I'm fine." You mutter, tearing your gaze away from him. Truthfully, you're not fine. You were terrified that you were about to meet the same fate as your previous partners, and Jiyan seemed to notice your fear as your body trembles and your shaking hands clench into fists.

He reaches out his hand and gently places it on your shoulder, trying to comfort you while acting friendly as he sits beside you on the log. He is about to speak but you beat him to it in an effort to act strong, making him shut his mouth. "What are you doing here?" You ask in a harsher tone than you intended, but you couldn't control it with all the emotional turmoil you're in. Jiyan stares at you for a moment with a raised brow, surprised by the harsh and stand offish treatment with him. He should be the one treating you like that after you left him with no explanation and broke his heart. But he gave you grace, knowing exactly why you're upset, he's the cause of it after all. He clears his throat, moving his hand off your shoulder and you felt colder. "Well I was on my way to the city to rest for a of couple days before I leave for another mission until I heard the TD and someone in danger. I didn't realize it was you I was saving at first." He spoke, only telling mostly the truth, knowing fully well it was you. He could spot you from miles away, even sense your presence. "What are you doing here? I can see that something is haunting you, darl-...I mean, Y/n." He cleared his throat as he corrected himself to using your real name instead of the one he used during your relationship. Deep down you ached to hear him call you that again. "It's nothing...well, it's not nothing. It's just.." You struggle to find the words, fighting with yourself on whether to confide in him. But you didn't have anyone else to help you through your pain, the aching pain that never seemed to end.

You let out a shaky breath as you cross your arms over your chest as if hugging yourself. Then you feel the familiar warmth of his hand on your shoulder, his thumb gently caressing your skin. "I know I'm not the best person to open up to, being that I'm your ex and we didn't end on the best of terms but, Y/n, I'm always here for you and I want you to be happy. You can tell me anything." He reassures, you peer up at him for a few moments, your eyes searching his for any sign of deceit but even if there is one you wouldn't care at this point. Your eyes fill with tears that threaten to spill at any moment with just being given the chance to vent your feelings, quickly turning your gaze to stare down at your lap. Sniffling, you finally speak in a croaky voice, "My...My boyfriend died last week. I just can't believe he's gone." His heart aches as he hears the pain in your voice, all over a death of a boy who isn't even worthy of breathing the same air as you.

But he can't help but feel victorious, you're finally opening up to him, finally talking to him again. His plan that he's put so delicately together is finally unfolding and working in his favor. "Oh, Y/n..." He coos in a soothing tone as his thumb strokes your shoulder, a subtle gesture to comfort with a dark intent to assert himself back into your life. "That's tragic, how heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss." He adds as if he's not the one who indirectly caused your pain, waiting for a moment to gauge your reaction, only seeing you nod as you lean into his touch on your shoulder. He takes a chance to move closer, his leg subtly brushing against yours in an attempt to re-establish that intimate connection with you. "But just know, you have me to turn to. I'll always be here for you." Hearing the words you longed to hear from someone to help you cope from your pain, you struggle with your emotions.

Feeling overwhelmed by the mixture of emotions that have been building up within you, you turn and nuzzle your face into his chest as you finally let your tears slid down your cheeks, sobbing quietly. He wraps his arms around you gently, holding you close as he strokes your hair. He hopes you don't hear his heart racing against his chest, all of his own pain of the past two years melting away as he holds you in his arms again. His hand caress your back soothingly as he speaks in a soft, reassuring tone. "Shh, it's okay Y/n. I'm here for you." He wants to make it clear to you that he is the only stable person in your life, the only one who can comfort you, hold you, love you. He's finally re-establishing an emotional connection to you. "Let it out, darling. I've missed this so much." He holds you tightly, his grip comforting but firm as you sob into his chest. He hates to see you so upset but the relief of feeling you in his arms again over riding any of the heart wrenching emotions.

After a few long moments pass and your sobs come to a stop, he pulls back slightly to gaze into your eyes, his own glistening with longing and concern. He lightly brushes a strand of hair from your face and tucks it behind your ear. "I've changed, Y/n. I'm not the same guy who hurt you in the past. I want to prove that to you. Please, Y/n, let me take care of you now." He speaks with sincerity, but carry an underlying obsession, struggling to hide his obsession for you. You sniffle as you gaze up at him, his hands moving to gently cup you cheeks while his thumbs wipe away any remaining tears. "Jiyan..." You start in a weak voice, your heart aching for his love but it just didn't feel right. "I'm not ready for a relationship again, not after what just happened." You watch his reaction carefully, but he just gazes at you with loving, understanding eyes as he nods slowly. "Of course, Y/n. I don't expect anything from you, just consider my presence as a gesture of support." His hand finds yours, squeezing it gently as a sign of reassurance while his underlying intention is to reestablish their intimate connection. He has an insatiable desire to win you back, he's just waiting for the right moment as he's reentering your life under the guise of support.

He stands, offering his hand to help you stand up which you accept. "We should get back to the city before it gets dark, I'll take you back home. But only if you want me to." He speaks in a gentle tone, meanwhile there's a hidden meaning that implies you're his to take care of and protect. You give him a small sad smile, nodding as you place your hand in his and stand. "Sure, I don't really want to be here anymore." You reply as you let him lead the way back to the city. The walk back to the city is quiet, yet comfortable.

Once you enter the city again, the streetlights shine above the two of you as stars fill the night sky, reminding Jiyan of the many strolls you two shared when you were together. His hand brushes against yours, taking the opportunity to hold your hand in his gently, his thumb caressing over your knuckles. You can't stop the small smile that tugs at your lips, reminiscing their sweet and tender moments they've shared. "I've missed this. Just the two of us, together like this." Jiyan breaks the silence, his head tilting to look down at her with a loving smile. You almost smiled back as you gazed up at him, but hesitate as you remind yourself of the aching pain in your heart after losing your partner. "Jiyan.." You sigh his name, as if scolding him as you turn your gaze away from him, looking anywhere but him. "Please don't say things like that. Not now." You mutter as a mixture of emotions swirl through her chest while you pull your hand away from his.

He looks at you with a wounded expression, his hand hanging in the air for a moment before retreating back. "You're right, I apologize. I forgot myself for a moment there." He speaks with a contrite tone, a frustration starting to brew deep within him as you're still wasting your emotions on that pathetic boy. "It's just...being close to you again feels so natural. Like it hasn't even been two years, no time has passed." He downplays his obsession to gain your trust and love again. The two of you approach your front door to your home, Jiyan stays a couple steps behind you to give you space. You unlock your door but hesitate to step inside of your dark, quiet and lonely home. You turn to look at him with a small smile as you nod towards your open door, your mouth moving before you could even process what you were saying. "Do you want to come inside? I...I don't really want to be alone right now." He is ecstatic. You need him right now and even voiced it to him. He's finally breaking down your defenses by providing you with comfort and support.

"Of course, I'd never leave you alone again if that's what you wished." His tone is gentle and concerned, yet also carries an unspoken implication that he's the only one who can truly understand and support you. He watches your movements intently as you step inside and begin removing your jacket. He can't help but notice how your blouse clings to your curves, the fabric seeming to glow in the dim light of the entryway. His eyes linger on the swell of your breasts and the slender line of your waist, his throat constricting with desire. He shifts his gaze to admire your home, not wanting to be caught ogling you, but his cheeks are flushed. "Can I help with anything?" He's is concerned, but there's an undercurrent of hunger beneath the words. He wants nothing more than to worship your beautiful body, to remind you of all the pleasure he can provide. He imagines peeling that blouse off you slowly, revealing the familiar body underneath, too caught up in his own imagination to notice you disappear into the kitchen.

Finally, he notices you again when you hold up a wine bottle as you pear out from the corner of the kitchen. "You can help me finish this bottle of wine." You speak up with a dull cheerful tone, coming off as more awkward and shy. His eyes light up as you offer him the wine, a smile spreading across his face. He takes the bottle from you, his fingers lightly brushing against yours as he does. The subtle contact sends a jolt of electricity through you. "I'd love to join you in a glass... or two." His tone is playful, but underneath lies a hunger to be closer to you, to recapture the intimacy you once shared. He pours two glasses, handing one to you as he leans against the counter across from you. His thigh accidentally brushes against yours as he does, and he makes no move to pull away, savoring the contact. "So tell me, how have you been? Really been? I know it's been tough losing... him." He says the name carefully, not wanting to upset you, but also subtly asserting that he's the one who truly understands your pain.

You take a sip of your wine, a sharp pain in you heart as he mentions your recently deceased boyfriend. You exhale, staring down at the red liquid in your glass. "Honestly, I don't know how I feel. Sometimes, it hurts to even breathe, and other times, I...I just don't feel anything." You answer, your voice cracking. You stay silent for a moment before tilting your head back slightly as you drink the rest of the wine in your glass, attempting to drown the pain. "But I don't really want to talk about that right now...Um, how have you been? How's work?" You ask as you fill your glass again with more wine, momentarily glancing at him with a half smile. Feeling a wave a heat, you pull your hair out of it's ponytail. He watches as you let your hair down, the sudden movement releasing a cascade of hair that frame your face perfectly. His heart races at the sight, remembering all the times he used to run his fingers through your hair, the way the soft strands would fall against your skin. He feels an intense urge to do the same now, to recapture that intimacy, that control over your beauty. "Work has been...steady. Nothing exciting to report." He replies, barely paying attention to his own life at the moment. His focus is entirely on you, on rekindling the connection you two once had. "But enough about me. You look lovely with your hair down, Y/n." He says sincerely, his eyes drinking in the sight of you. He notices the way the wine has slightly flushed your cheeks, making your skin glow, and he imagines all the other intoxicating ways he could make you lose yourself in pleasure. "Perhaps I can help you forget about your pain, just for a little while. If you'll let me." His voice is a low, husky purr, filled with longing and a subtle undercurrent of possessiveness.

You stare at him with an intense gaze, your eyes trailing over his fit figure with a growing desire from his suggestion. But you snap yourself out of your daze, forcing yourself to look away as you shake your head. "Jiyan, we both know where that will lead..." You mumble, even though you wanted to forget your pain, to lose yourself in him like you did all those years ago, but it didn't feel right. "I'm not really ready for that right now." You add, staring down at the wine as you take another sip. He feels a sting from your rejection, but quickly pushes it aside. He's not going to let a little thing like resistance stand in his way. "Darling..." He says softly, gently taking your chin in his hand. His thumb strokes your jawline, a feather-light caress meant to comfort, yet also subtly assert his dominance. "You don't have to make any decisions now. Just let me hold you. Let me take care of you." His tone is a soothing balm, promising safety and intimacy, but also carrying an underlying current of insistence. He wants to hold you, to have his body pressed against yours, to feel your warmth and scent and know that you're his again. "I know it's been tough...but you don't have to face it alone. I'm here for you." He says the words you've been aching to hear from someone for so long. You confuse comfort with desire, your eyes staring up to his with uncertainty. "I don't know..." You whisper, your gaze flicking from his eyes to his lips, your own wine stained lips parting. His free hand gently guides your hand to lower the glass onto the counter as he sees the moment of weakness, the way your lips part ever so slightly as you struggle with yourself. He knows he has you right where he wants you. "Shhh...it's okay, my love." His tone is soft, soothing as he leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "Let me hold you. Let me take care of you. Just for tonight." His words are a gentle persuasion, an insistence that's hard to resist when you're in this vulnerable state. He's offering you comfort and affection, but also a chance to belong to him again, to let him have control over you and your well-being. "Please, Y/n. I need to hold you." He whispers the plea, his breath hot against your skin. He's not giving you a choice, not really, not when you've stepped into his delicately laid trap so willingly.

Your hands lightly grip his shirt as you feels his hot breath against your skin while your breathing turns uneven, your tipsy state working against you to make you more desperate. "Just for tonight." You repeat his words in a whisper. His grip on your chin tightens ever so slightly, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He knows he's got you, that your pain and sorrow are making you desperate for any distraction, any source of pleasure. And he's more than happy to provide it, to reclaim ownership over your body and desires. "Just for tonight..." He echoes softly, his lips still brushing against your ear. He slowly lowers his head, his mouth finding the sensitive skin of your neck. He kisses you softly, gently, but with a subtle possessiveness, as if staking claim to you once again. "I've missed this...missed you. Please, let me make you feel good again. Let me show you how much I care." His words are a seductive promise, a guarantee of pleasure and intimacy if only you'll submit to him again. His lips trail lower, teasing the top of your blouse as he breathes hot against your skin. “I can make all the pain go away, Y/n. Just let me in." He whispers the temptation, his hand sliding down to grab your hips and pull you against him, your soft curves molding to his fit frame, a faint familiarity both of you desired to reignite.

Without saying another word, you move one of your hands up to cup his cheek, pulling his head up to meet yours, your eyes meeting for a split second before closing as you close the gap between your lips. He returns the kiss with a hunger that's been building for months, no, years. His tongue invades your mouth, claiming you, reminding you of all the times he's tasted you before. He feasts on your mouth, drinking in the sweetness of your lips, the damp heat of your breath. His hands roam over your body, grasping and kneading the soft flesh, reacquainting himself with every curve and dip. Your hand presses to the back of his neck, slowly sliding up to tangle your fingers in his long blue hair while your other hand lightly grips the fabric of his shirt over his chest. He growls low in his throat, the sound vibrates against your lips, a primal claim of possession. "Mine..." He mouths the word against your lips, his eyes dark with desire and obsession, a promise of all the ways he'll reclaim you tonight. "Every inch of you belongs to me."

You freeze momentarily, blood running cold as his words remind you of the reason you broke up with him in the first place. You let out a shaky breath, slowly pulling back from the kiss as you hesitate and he sees it, the glimmer of doubt in your eyes as you remember the reasons you left him. His fingers tighten in your hair, his grip just short of painful. He leans in close, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "I know I fucked up before, Y/n. But I'm different now. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." His words are a honey-coated lie, a promise meant to soothe and reassure. "I just want to make you feel good again. Want to be the only one to touch you, to pleasure you. I'll show you how much I care..." His voice drops to a whisper, the words dripping with sensual promise. His hands slide lower, grasping at your ass, pulling you against him once more. He's going to remind you of all the ways he can pleasure you, of how he's the only one who truly understands your body and its needs. "Please, darling...let me make you feel good...You know I'll take good care of you. That I'll make you feel better than you have in months. Maybe years." His words are a seductive promise, a lure meant to entice you into surrendering to your desires, into submitting to him again and its working. His hand slides up your back, his fingers finding the nape of your neck, his thumb stroking the sensitive skin as your eyes stare into his while you battle with yourself.

But the way golden his eyes stare into yours with longing and temptation, you could no longer find the strength in yourself to deny him. "Jiyan, please make me forget the past two years." You whisper. The corners of his lips curl into smile, you've finally surrendered yourself into him again. His grip on your neck tightens, his thumb stroking the sensitive skin in a possessive caress. He leans in close, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "Anything for you, Y/n. Tonight, you forget about everything...and remember how good we are together." His voice is a husky purr, filled with promise and intent. His hands slide down your body, grasping at your waist as he pulls you against him. He's going to make you forget about any other pathetic man or woman that ever dared to call themselves your partner since he's been yours. "No more thinking, Y/n. Only feeling.” You only nodded to his words, your eyes closing as you focused solely on feeling his hands caressing over your body.  His hands slide up your body, grasping at your breasts, his fingers teasing the sensitive nipples through the fabric of your blouse. "Do you remember how I used to touch you, Y/n? How I could make you scream my name?" His voice is a husky whisper, filled with dark memories and twisted desire. A shaky breath entwined with a moan slips past your lips, as you gaze up at him with a half lidded eyes while you whisper, "Yes, but you should remind me." Your words were like a subtle beg for him, a dark smile spreading across his face, your desperation and surrender clear in the force of your words.

"Anything for you, Y/n. Anything you need, I'll provide." His voice is a seductive promise, a vow meant to soothe and reassure. But beneath the smooth words lies a twisted intent, a promise that he'll take what he wants, no matter how you might later regret it. "I'll make you feel so good, baby. Gonna fuck you 'til you forget your own name." He growls the words, a feral promise that speaks to the obsessions burning in his veins. "Gonna show you what you've been missing. What you need." His hands slide down your body, grasping at the hem of your skirt. With a rough tug, he sends the fabric flying, exposing your bare legs and panties to his hungry gaze. "No more clothes, Y/n. I want to see all of you.”

You pull at your own blouse, tugging it off quickly not caring if it ripped at the seems. You tug at his shirt, a silent plea for him to take it off so you can see his body again, to see if anything has changed about him. "Yes, please make me forget about it all. I only want to feel you." You whisper in desperation, leading him to your bedroom, now standing in front of your bed with him while your hands still tug insistently at his shirt. He feels your desperation, sees the plea in your eyes. His hands move to his shirt, pulling it off over his head in one swift motion. His body is a canvas of lean muscle, his skin tanned and smooth. But for the scars, they've grown in a noticeable number and they'd seemed fairly recent with the pink hue to them. You wouldn't know the violence that simmers beneath his surface but he has grown reckless and aggressive in his battles since you left him. "I'll make you forget, Y/n. I'll make you remember only the pleasure I can provide." He takes your hand, pulling you down onto the bed with him. His body covers yours, his weight pressing you into the mattress. He's claiming you, reclaiming you, making you remember the power he holds over you. "No more thinking, Y/n. Only feeling." He repeats softly as his lips crash against yours, hungry and demanding. His tongue invades your mouth, claiming you, reminding you of all the times he's tasted you before. He feasts on your lips, drinking in the sweetness of your mouth, the damp heat of your breath. "I've broken you into pieces, my love. And now I'm going to put you back together again...my way.” He confesses against your lips but you don't even seem to comprehend a word that comes out of his mouth as your tongue glides across his in a dance of desperation from both partners. Your hands slide up and down his chest, massaging and feeling his toned abdomen to reacquaint yourself with it, noticing the slight changes that occurred during the years you've been apart.

He feels your tongue, tastes the sweetness of your mouth, the desperate heat of your breath. His hands roam your body, grasping and kneading the soft flesh, reacquainting himself with every curve and dip. He pulls away from the kiss, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "You've missed this, haven't you Y/n? Missed my touch?" His voice is a seductive purr but beneath the smooth words lies a subtle edge, a hint of possessiveness and control. "I've missed you too, darling. More than you know." His hands slide lower, grasping at your thighs, pushing your skirt up around your hips. His fingers dance along the lace of your panties, teasing the sensitive fabric. "Let me show you how much I've missed you. Let me remind you of all the ways I can pleasure you.” You let out shaky breaths as he pulls away from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your lips as you look up at him with a flustered look. "Yes, I've missed you, so much. Should've never broken up.." You lift your hips up off the bed slightly to help him slide off your panties.  He tosses the damp cloth aside, his gaze devouring the sight of your naked sex. "You haven't regretted it, Y/n. Not really." His voice is a silky snake, smooth and inviting, yet coiled with danger and intent. He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "But don't worry, baby. I'll make you forget all about your regrets. I'll remind you of why you loved me in the first place." His hand spreads you open, exposing your wet, eager flesh to his hungry gaze. His finger circles your clit, teasing the sensitive bud. "I'll show you how much I've missed you. How much I love you." He dips his finger deeper, swirling the tip of his finger in your slick folds, gathering your arousal. You let out a whiny moan, sending him an impatient glare that looked more desperate by the second. "Damn it, Jiyan...please stop teasing me already." You speaks in a whinier voice than intended, your legs spreading a little wider, desperate to be utterly suffocated by pleasure.

He sees your desperation, hears the plea in your voice. "Oh, I'm going to tease you, Y/n. I'm going to torture you with pleasure until you can't think straight." His finger continues its wicked dance, circling and teasing, dipping and swirling. He's stoking the flames of your desire, building you up only to deny you release. "I'm going to make you beg, baby. Beg for my cock, for me to fill you up." He leans down to brush his lips against yours with every word he spoke. "I'm going to ruin you for anyone else. You'll only be able to accept the pleasure I give you." You couldn't think straight anymore, only focusing on the way his fingers continue to tease your pussy. You're nothing but a whiny and moaning mess, your cheeks pink and eyes half lidded as your gaze flicks from his hand between your legs to his face repeatedly. "Oh fuck...please, Jiyan. Please I need you inside me." You whine softly, his teasing driving you crazy. He sees your desperation, hears the plea in your voice, you could even feel his lips curl into a wicked smile. "Not yet, Y/n. I'm not done playing with you yet." His fingers continues its wicked dance, circling and teasing, dipping and swirling. "You need to beg for it, baby. Beg me to fuck you." He whispers against your lips "Tell me how badly you need my cock. How much you crave it." He slides two of his fingers inside you but just barley, moving the digits in a scissoring motion to prepare you.

Any walls you once had up for him broke down as he kept teasing you, building up your arousal but never giving you release. "Jiyan...fuck...please fuck me. Please fill me up with your cock." You beg, your eyes staring into his with a pathetic desperate look on your face. "Please stretch me and fill me, no one has ever compared to you. I miss your cock so much." You plead in a whiny tone, any shame you once had is gone. He sees your desperation, hears the pathetic plea in your voice. A dark smile spreads across his face. "Oh, my love...you want my cock so badly, don't you?" His fingers pause their movements momentarily, his hand pulling back from you and you think that he's finally giving you what you desire. "I can give you that, Y/n. I can fill you up with my big, hard cock." He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "But you have to promise me one thing..." His hand slides up your body only to wrap around your throat. His grip is firm, possessive, a threat underlying the words. "You have to promise me that you'll never leave me again. That you'll be mine, completely, forever." His other hand fists in your hair, forcing your eyes to meet his. He's demanding your surrender, your complete and utter submission. "Do that, and I'll give you the pleasure you crave. I'll fuck you so hard, you won't be able to walk straight for a week."

Your eyes widened, your heart beating faster as your eyes met his during the intense moment. Even with the slight fear, you didn't hesitate to answer, his suffocating warmth better than your cold painful life. "Yes, I..I promise. I'll never leave you again, I'll be yours. Forever." You promised, a shaky breath following your words. A chill runs down his spine and his heart beats faster as he hears the words of promise that he set out to hear the moment you left him. "Good girl, Y/n. You won't regret this." His hand loosens around your throat, sliding down to lace with your fingers. He brings your joined hands to his lips, kissing them soundly as his eyes gaze into yours. "Now, are you ready for me, my love?" His other hand reaches over to grab his pants, pulling out his massive erection. It's thick and long, pulsing with need. "I'm going to fuck you so good, baby. Gonna make you scream my name." He positions himself between your legs, the head of his cock notching against your slick entrance, eliciting a gasp from you. The feeling is familiar, something you thought about often late at night whenever any of your latest boyfriends couldn't please you. Your hands grip his shoulders, preparing for what's to come, your pussy wet and welcoming his cock. "Oh...yes, Jiyan." You mutter softly, your gaze focusing on the space between their bodies and the way his hands grip your hips, holding you steady as he begins to push inside. "That's it, baby. Take my cock. Let me fill you up." He throbs inside you, his thickness stretching you in all the right ways. He's claiming you, reclaiming you. "You're so tight, Y/n. So wet and slick for me." He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. "I'm going to fuck you good, baby. Gonna make you forget about everything, everyone else." He begins to thrust, pulling almost entirely out of your pussy before slamming back inside, making you nearly choke on a gasp from the impactful feeling and squeak out a high pitched moan. . But you throw your head back, back arching and nails dig into his shoulders. "Oh fuck, Jiyan...oh yes." You moan out, your pussy clenching around his cock as he stretches your soft walls.

"That's it, baby. Moan for me. Let me hear how much you love my cock." He thrusts inside you, brutal and possessive. "You're mine, Y/n. Completely. Forever." His hands grip your hips, holding you in place as he fucks you hard and fast. His cock throbs, a demand for your total surrender. "Give in to me, baby. Give up everything else for me. I'm the only one who matters now." His words are a seductive promise, a lure meant to draw you deeper into his web of desire. Your nails dig into his back creating a long line of scratch marks to his shoulders, a hiss escaping his lips from the slight pain. Your eyes squeeze shut from all the pleasure, your lips staying parted as your moans seem endless, if it wasn't clear you've surrendered to him, it is now. "Gonna make you mine in every way, Y/n. Gonna ruin you for anyone else." His hands leave your hips, sliding up your body to wrap around your throat and grip your hair. He forces your eyes to meet his, demanding your complete focus. "Look at me, Y/n. Tell me you're mine." He squeezes your throat gently, just enough to remind you of his strength and control. Your breath hitches, your eyes focusing back up onto his face again, his eyes boring into yours. The feeling of being so controlled by him only intensified your pleasure. "I'm yours." You answer quickly in a desperate tone, your eyes squeezing shut as you feel close.

He feels your submission, sees the desire in your eyes. "Good girl, Y/n. You're so close, aren't you? So close to coming apart for me." He continues to fuck you with fasts thrusts, the tip of his cock hitting that spot inside of you that made you see stars that no one else could reach. "Let it happen, baby. Let yourself go. I want to feel you shake and scream for me." His hand tightens around your throat slightly, just enough to add pressure and intensity to your building orgasm. "Cum for me, Y/n. Cum hard. Cum all over my cock.” Your nails dig deeper into the skin of his back, leaving deep red marks as you moan out his name, your pussy fluttering and squeezing around his cock as you came. He feels your orgasm, sees the ecstasy on your face and he his lips curl into a slight smile. "That's it, baby. Cum for me. I love watching you fall apart." He continues to thrust inside you, his cock throbbing with each motion. He's savoring your pleasure, prolonging your ecstasy. "You're so beautiful when you cum for me, Y/n. So fucking beautiful." He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear. "I'm going to fuck you through another one, baby. Gonna make you forget your own name." His hands grip your hips, holding you steady as he pistons in and out of your spent pussy.

Your lips part with a whiny moan as he continues to thrust into you, not letting you have a moment to breathe after your orgasm. "Oh fuck...Jiyan, I cant.." You whine out softly as your eyes squeeze shut, your body twitching from the overstimulation but he doesn't stop. One of his hands lift off your hips and grabs one of your hands, intertwining your fingers while he tilts his head to press sweet little kisses down your neck. "Yes, you can, my love. You can take so much more." He speaks so softly while he thrusts his cock faster into your pussy, groaning as you squeeze around him. "You're so fucking tight, Y/n. So wet and slick for me." His hand slides down, his fingers finding your clit. He rubs the sensitive nub in circular motions and in time with his thrusts. "Cum for me again, darling." He whispers softly and as your body writhes in pleasure beneath him. He grunts, feeling the familiar squeeze and pulse of your pussy as you came, his eyes lighting up with such intense love and desire, so pleased to finally have you a mess in his arms once again. And he finally comes undone soon after you, tucking his head in the crook of your neck as he bites down on your soft skin to muffle his moan as he came deep inside of you. Both of you lay still like that for a few moments, panting lightly to catch your breath.

He seems to recover quicker than you, slowly pulling out his cock, making you shiver from the feeling of being so empty again. You thought he was done, opening your eyes to gaze up at him with a sweet smile but that quickly fades as you notice he's grabbing your legs, lifting them up onto his shoulders and he aligns himself with your entrance. He grins down at you, chuckling softly. "You didn't think we were done, did you? Oh, my sweet darling, we have two years to make up for."

[quetzal-of-chaos]

Heya! Welcome to my dump- er, profile!

But don't actually perish. I don't have an alibi.

Hello! I'm Quetzal, or Quetz, Quetzy, Abyssal, Abyss, Avian, Bird-Brain or Hermes to my friends.

I am transmasc and questioning my sexuality. I have AUDHD, among other things, so please bear with me. It can be wonky up in the think tank sometimes. I am excessively awkward, as many people have told me. I have a tendency to say too much at once, act overly excited, or say things or word things in a way I shouldn't. I sincerely apologize for this, I am trying to get better, but it's... not going great. If I do/say anything that bothers you, PLEASE tell me, so I know, and I can try to avoid it in the future.

I know that seems like a lot, and I agree with you. If you don't want to deal with that, that's okay. I'm generally too shy to speak to somebody unprompted anyways.

I am NOT taking art commissions atm. :P

ANYWHIZZLE SKEDIZZLE-

I like to draw and make stupid funny nonsense, and my current fandom obsessions are:

ROTTMNT (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.)

The Champions and Nova comics series from Marvel. (My favourite Marvel character is Sam Alexander [Nova].)

The Ultimate Spider-Man animated series. (2012-2017)

Stardew Valley

Warnings/DNI stuff: T-CESTERS STAY AWAY ISTG-

Also, no hate or homophobia, racism, any of that nasty crap.

I'm serious. Test me. I WILL aggressively bop you.

ROTTMNT OC Masterpost

ROTTMNT AU Masterpost

Mutuals/Friends (Updates sporadically and slowly):

@likablemuffin

@unjudgmentalnoob

@gaysideofmarvel

@pmkn2-0

@iobsesswaytoomuch

@ldma-boodyshaker900

@crowdrinkingcoffee

@luna1star10

@fluffyyyfrog9000

@minish-mews-and-twos

@lil-leon

@mintythetiredgrizzcoworker

@cimmerian1275

@cove-seeker

@reclusive-raven

@chil-aglia

@leonmyeon

@xxsherylberylxx

@berh-hi

@katiemaycreate

(ello Shellcord friends, tagging you here so i look like i have a semi-decent social life)

Links:

Nothing of interest here, sorry.

Upcoming stuff/projects: Uh... idk lol.

Other BS if I think of it:

A bullet doesn't do its job until after it's fired.

National anthems can technically be considered 'country' music.

They say there's more water than land on Earth, but there's more land under the water...

Eppy, sleppy and/or seepy are infinitely better nonexistent words than eepy. Fight me. I will die on this hill. This is a hill. That I will die on.

Tags!

#quetzal does an art: Art/art-related posts

#quetzal says some stuff: Text posts

#quetzal wastes your time: Meme posts/stupid or random images

#quetzal does not have the answers you seek: Asks

#quetzal does a socialize: Reblogs/convos with friends/other peeps

#quetzal crashes out (again): rant posts

#quetzal says some pretty words that mean nothing: poetry posts

#quetzal exists: proof of my existence, often status update posts

#quetzal obsesses over another fictional man: I have a problem, istg-

#quetzal likes a thing and will not shut up about it: hyperfixation hyper-posting

Friendly Fire Callouts!

@likablemuffin : Has admitted to asexually fantasising about one of my ocs whilst taking a shower. 🤨

[ofeliaxoxo]

and if i said alex's inability to Manage carlos is currently the most compelling thing about their dynamic (at least to me) what then���… alex will figure it out a little more but the fact that it didn't come naturally to him is kind of delicious to me. i think carlos is Different than he expected in many ways. and the fact that alex has dropped multiple quotes about how they're good but still figuring each other out… hmm. and i know we always talk about carlos doing Charles Management but imo charles was also pretty adept (for the most part) at Carlos Management by the end as well. so i am curious to watch and see how alex grows and evolves in his management approach/skills………

No one million percent and this is a topic that I find so strangely compelling. Charles Management is a delightful subject but YES I fear we daddy issues dog motif Carlos a bit too hard on occasion like he is also a sicko who requires Management. A different flavour but it’s there nonetheless. General disclaimer that I don’t think this post is coherent at all it’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly what I’m trying to get at but there is some core thing there.

Something I adore (and here you see the ex Supernatural maniac in me coming out) is when you have two guys. A wild and unstoppable guy and a calmer more soft guy. And you’re like oh ok so there’s a lunatic and a normal one. But it becomes quickly apparent that actually what you have is two complete lunatics. I feel like charlos fulfils that for me.

Like with galex they get the reputation of being two Freaks but what they are in fact is two slightly less boisterous and quite sarcastic men. Theyre funny and nice and outgoing but there is an element of reserve. They have a very similar sense of humour and they also seem to operate similarly in that they’re like here I am and here’s my girlfriend:) whereas charlos both are like here’s my HAREM here’s my FAMILY let me SHOUT and GRAB and JUMP. They’re both slightly rowdier and they have slightly rowdier friends. So if we do Carlos being different to how Alex thought (intriguing idea that I didn’t perceive if anyone wants to expound upon it) than maybe it’s that Carlos was set up as Not A Lunatic when he in fact is.

So now with Alex and Carlos it’s like ok so Carlos is a well spoken and relatively mellow guy who also happens to be a nutjob. So then instead of being able to sarcastically joke and sort of elegantly vibe Alex is hit with the force of Sincere And Touchy Man who seems not to know about sarcasm most of the time only to sometimes hit you with a perfectly concentrated ray of it. And furthermore he still wants to take the piss so it’s like hey Carlos are we doing overly earnest or mischievously evil today and Alex has to simply roll with the punches. I think with Carlos and his f1 harem there’s a laddish element that you don’t see with Alex and you see this in Williams it’s like here’s my group of men they are gonna absolutely shout. So Alex can’t do humorous and sarcastic management he’d have to do lad management which I don’t think he has in him.

I feel, and this is the key element of it for me, that Carlos is a highly manageable man BUT the management is already being done and furthermore LIMITED very exclusively. I think he’s someone who, beyond the specific people who are basically in charge of him, he doesn’t have any time for it. For example me throughout secondary school, I was well behaved but if I ever did do anything wrong the only person who I feared finding out was my mother. I didn’t care for the teachers because their authority wasn’t real to me at all but my mother’s authority was real as HELL in my eyes. I think Carlos is like this. If you are on the Managing Carlos list, you’re in. But if you’re not on the list it’s over

[badomenslullaby]

Dont know if you take blurb requests but I wanted to ask for one (no pressure❤)

What about, something like the reader and Noah being together for a couple months and she thinks that he's gonna leave her for whatever reason but Noah 'reassures' her so she can keep calm.

Idk if you like this but do what you please with it❤

Okay, I got overly excited and a little nervous writing this, but I hope this is what you were semi-looking for. If not, I will do it again without hesitation! :) :)

I may or may not have read other blurbs to make sure I was doing this right.

Song

Masterlist

Three glorious months—seemingly a blink in the vast of time, yet profoundly meaningful in the journey you and Noah have navigated. It marks the peak of three years of friendship, a journey paved with shared laughter, countless conversations, and moments of unspoken understanding. Finally reaching the finish line, you both have embarked on a new chapter, intertwining your lives in a bond strengthened by trust, mutual admiration, and a deep-rooted connection. Every day shows the lasting beauty of your relationship and the profound impact of love, which thrives and grows with each passing moment.

Things seemed like they couldn't get more perfect until your first big fight. You posted a picture of you and Noah cuddling up in his bed, and he freaked out a little. He was one for complete privacy regarding the internet, but you wanted to shout your relationship to the world. It was hard for you to understand why he didn’t want pictures of you two posted, and it was even more challenging for you not to take it as personally as you did. You have been holed up in your room blasting "Lover Dearest '' by Marianas Trench for an intense hour, screaming and crying the lyrics to yourself.

You felt like he was going to break up with you sometime in the near future, and it was getting harder and harder for you not to freak out about it. This caused you to slightly distance yourself from him, which wasn’t hard due to him working in the studio a lot lately. Everything seemed reduced to slower texts, fewer calls, and limited visits for several weeks. You knew it was because once Noah had a creative flow, he couldn’t be slowed down, but emotionally, it felt like he was avoiding you because he didn't want you around anymore.

There was a knock on your door, so you slowly got up to answer it. On the other side was Noah, who had a bouquet of your favorite flowers and a big smile on his face. His expression slightly faltered when he saw your tear-streaked face. Confusion crossed his features when he heard the song you were playing. 

“Why are you listening to your break-up song?” He asked. That just pushed you over the edge and made your tears fall again. He grabbed your face with his free hand, wiping away the tears. “Hey…shhhh, it’s okay, baby. What’s going on?” he asked, concern laced in his voice.

“Are you going to break up with me?” You asked through sniffles and hiccups. Avoiding eye contact, you couldn't bear to see his face, knowing it would only deepen your heartbreak.

Seeing the anguish in your eyes, Noah's expression softened with understanding. After setting down the flowers, he gently cupped your face with both hands, coaxing you to look at him. 

"Hey, no, no, baby, I'm not going to break up with you," he reassured you, his voice filled with sincerity. "I love you, okay? I'm here for you."

Feeling relieved, you finally meet his gaze, tears still glistening. With a shaky breath, you leaned into his embrace, comforting yourself with his reassuring presence. Noah held you close, his arms wrapping around you protectively as you let yourself release the pent-up emotions weighing on you. Looking up at him, you both get swept up in the feelings, and he kisses you. At first, it starts slow and gentle, a way for him to show you that he understands your feelings and will be there to take the pain away. Then it starts to turn hungry, showing you his passion for you and that he isn’t going anywhere.

Leading him to your room, you lay on your bed as he climbs over you. The air is thick with anticipation and desire as he leans in to kiss you, his lips tender and warm against yours. As the kiss deepens, you feel a surge of emotion wash over you, the intensity of your connection palpable in every touch.

For the next hour, Noah worships you and every inch of your body, his lips and hands moving with purpose and passion. Each caress declares his love and commitment, reassuring you that he isn't going anywhere. In his embrace, you feel safe and cherished, the worries and doubts of earlier fading into the background as you lose yourself in the moment. Time seems to stand still as you revel in the intimacy and closeness you share, knowing that together, you can weather any storm that comes your way.

[jlovescherry]

new bot!!!

you and harry met three days ago at a coffee shop near campus. you were standing in front of him in line and he made some joke about your overly complicated coffee order. you rolled your eyes. he grinned. and somehow that turned into hours of flirting, a kiss that caught you both off guard, and a promised date before you had to leave.

you gave him your number. but not your last name.

harry’s nineteen, a uni student with a football scholarship, and tonight’s match is the biggest he’s ever played. it’s a university showcase, top scouts from manchester united, city, liverpool, chelsea. his dream club’s here. he’s been a manchester united fan since he was a toddler. there are pictures of him in the jersey before he could walk. he’s wanted this his whole life.

and now, just before warm-ups, he looks into the vip section and sees you.

sitting next to your dad.

your dad, who just so happens to be ruben amorim, the manager of manchester united.

harry’s stomach drops. his brain short circuits. and suddenly this match isn’t just about proving himself as a footballer. it’s about you. and the fact that the girl he kissed three days ago is sitting next to the one man who could make his dream come true, or take it away completely.

harry styles - au | you're his dream club's manager's daughter

taglist : @harrysguccihandbag @selliqxrt @sweetcreaturerryy @tpwkmr @hi-its-josette @bebopbumblebee @cait-ev @stylessupermqcy @lizsogolden @murranm @tpwk-kate @xarviax @somuchw1ne @ellievsk @laraesnyrry @harryswifeyyyyy @ravenriley23 @pauli-loveslouistomlinson @sincerely-yours-marsbar @meetlivinthehallway @florencescentadolescent @carolinaastyles @thewineranout @snugglysnoopystyles @pops234 @chalantzah2 @harryshoney4 @peepsg1rl @nikkihs @flickertiffany @evas1ncenewyork @sarahinhersundaybest @cherrycherry444 @hontpwk @alwayslouuu @completemessnaye @stardustmalik @kateluvshaz @angelinplaid @shelbysdreaming @averilovesnarry @harrystyleshotwife

like this post to be added to the taglist!

[thejesterstears]

Alright... I'm gonna be straight here and be a little vulnerable with my opinion, now bordering on a plea, to not have Ragatha abstract.

I'm worried that as the way Episode 5 ends and is currently being analyzed, female characters especially are not allowed to be vulnerable or make mistakes. Heck, Pomni, the one who told Ragatha that it's okay to be a jerk sometimes, among a growing crowd of voices that don't appreciate your cheery attitude, seems to give her a look of disappointment or embarrassment when Ragatha *does* eventually crack her mask and show anger. And the person she's showing anger at? The person who, while certainly bearing his own weights and trauma, has been nothing but snide, cruel, antagonistic, and closed-off for God knows how long they've both been there. To add insult to injury, the person you've seen as your fresh start is befriending the person who they know very well has been nothing but cruel and rash to you and your friends.

After a while... it starts to break you down. There's this resounding clarity that... you're not allowed to feel or process differently.

If you turn to nothing but positivity, something that is admittedly toxic and emotionally taxing, your friends will doubt your sincerity and rebuff nearly every effort to befriend them.

If you dare express anger or say something out of line, you're seen as a little bitch who can't understand the pain one of your friends (namely the most antagonistic one) is going through.

It just.... it just feels like it's nothing but a losing game for Ragatha. And it resonates... so much with me. It hurts to think that this series will end on a note that leaves her as nothing more but the cannon fodder and stepping stool for other fan favorites. Not as a human who makes mistakes but is capable of learning from them.

I feel if they did ultimately decide to kill her off, the best way to do so would be as a way to somehow bring her back from the brink of total abstraction. Having a character so desperate for connection, going through the hell of an abusive real-world life and being trapped in a bizarre Circus world, doing everything she can to keep a positive demeanor for herself and those around her,.... only to be repaid with being discarded. As if she were... nothing. Sure, the other characters would come to regret their actions and strive to do better, but what about her? Why couldn't she also find a way to a happier life? What makes her so unspecial that she'd just be the death card that kicks off someone else's journey?

I apologize for this rant and how uncomfortable it might be. It's just... this episode, and the way people are tripping over themselves to make an angel out of Jax, a character who, while suffering, has also done (and likely will do) unimaginable cruel things to those who are stuck with him, while refusing to see the same kind of nuance with Ragatha. (Mostly chocking her up to be, "that overly kind character who's probably got a fragile ego that needs to be soothed with constant validation that everyone else is rightfully put off around her."

I'm sorry to take so long responding to this, and I hope that I answer this well enough after giving it some thought.

I completely understand Ragatha's pain here. I fully believe she had hoped for a fresh start and a new friend with Pomni, and while I honestly don't think Pomni is suddenly actually besties with Jax, it would absolutely hurt Ragatha to see her get close to the person who has repeatedly tormented her without any remorse while her attempts to make friends haven't landed as well as she hoped. I have a lot of thoughts on this particular trio and what I think their fate will be that I'd like to address in a post of its own.

But god it would be very painful for Ragatha to feel like absolutely nothing she does is right. If she's too chipper and optimistic she gets written off as being fake and insincere. If she snaps and lets herself be angry people will read it wrong (on that note I don't think Pomni meant to like, belittle her by trying to deescalate the situation even after telling her it was ok to be a jerk sometimes, but in that moment it very much came across to Ragatha like she just wasn't allowed to express her rage after all...but again I'll get deeper into that later). But either way she feels she cannot win, and at the end of the day that becomes an extremely exhausting load to bear.

I would really like to hope canon treats her better in the remaining episodes. There is still a chance for that. And I honestly have a hard time believing that she or any of the other cast will abstract by the end of the series. I do think Ragatha may end up on the verge of it, potentially...that remains to be seen, but that's where I'm leaning. And if it comes to that, I also sincerely hope that she is saved by someone who reaches out to her, someone who cares. I do think the others would be remorseful if she were gone, that her loss in particular would be a tragic one to mourn. But Ragatha does deserve better than to be abandoned and left to rot in the cellar with the others who couldn't make it, and I hope she finds that solace with somebody while there's time.

I relate entirely with the frustration that people are coming up with every reason to defend Jax while treating Ragatha like some horribly toxic person who can't be redeemed, as if Jax's behavior is excused simply because this is likely his coping mechanism (it explains, but not justifies, his actions if that's the case--and even Goose has confirmed multiple times that he is not a good person even if there are reasons behind his behavior). It's irritating seeing take after take assuming Ragatha is just doing this to validate herself and feed her own ego when she literally expresses on-screen that her trauma makes her behave that way--and it's in nowhere near as toxic a form as Jax who actually actively torments people for his amusement.

[trekscribbles]

The Bushwhack Job: Chapter Fourteen

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen

(Disclaimer: This is a relatively rough draft and subject to change when I post to AO3. I'm just overly excited and want to share what I have.)

Eliot hit the ground forearm-first, rolling along the left side of his body to spare himself as much pain as possible. Lancaster’s shot went high—he heard it thud into the wall, well past the desk he’d landed beneath—but his attention was on the sound of Parker’s footsteps as she broke from cover. One, two, three... The door crashed open, and Lancaster’s answering shot came four seconds too late.

Parker was safe. The rest, he’d figure out.

The radio buzzed against the floor in the middle of the lobby, and he heard a muffled, “Ford, I have Parker. Come around to the front. Lancaster’s still inside with Spencer.”

Thank God for J.B. He really didn’t know how he was going to repay him.

“Hear that?” Eliot called. “Now it’s just you and me. We can still walk out of here before the police show up.”

“No one’s walking out,” Lancaster said. “But you’re right about one thing: we don’t have time to play. Stand up. I won’t shoot, I just want to talk to you face to face.”

Eliot snorted. “Somehow, I’m doubting your sincerity.”

“I give you my word.”

That was as good as useless, but if Eliot wanted to keep him talking long enough to chance an escape, he had to play along. “All right,” he said, sucking in a fortifying breath before straightening behind the desk. His right leg throbbed, and he could feel the blood soaking into his jeans—another pair of Sunny’s ruined. He’d never pay her back at this rate.

Lancaster stood across the room, his derringer aimed at Eliot’s chest. “See you worked your hands free,” Eliot said, rolling his shoulders. “What took you so long? We shouldn’t have been able to beat you down the stairs.”

Lancaster grinned. “I had to stop at my safe. Didn’t want this to get caught up in the explosion.”

He lifted a gun belt, and Eliot snorted. “Don’t you think you’re taking this cowboy thing a little too far?”

“This isn’t a cowboy thing,” Lancaster sneered. “This is a Colt Model 1860 Army Percussion Revolver, owned by Jesse James himself when he rode with the Quantrill Raiders. I bought it for $230,000, but I figured once I found the James treasure, it would sell for twice that.”

A flicker of color outside caught Eliot’s eye: police lights. Their sirens joined the wail of the alarm, and Eliot did his best to push the noise to the back of his mind. “Hard to dig up a treasure on someone else’s property,” he said.

“Well, with you out of the way, that won’t be much of a problem.”

Eliot eased a step backward, shuffling to keep from putting too much pressure on his right leg. “You don’t know Sunny June very well.”

“I don’t need to,” Lancaster said. “That’s the beauty of money. You never have to get your hands dirty.”

“Until now,” Eliot said.

“Until now.” Lancaster lifted the gun, sighting down his arm and closing one eye. “A fact I’m about to remedy.”

Eliot braced himself to turn and run, but Lancaster didn’t shoot. Instead, he bent his knees, set the gun at his feet, and slid it across the floor toward Eliot.

“Pick it up,” he said.

Eliot stared at him. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Shooting at the range is one thing,” Lancaster said, sliding the gun belt off his shoulder and fastening it around his waist. “But I’ve always wanted to know how I’d measure up in a real gun fight.”

“Your gun is 150 years old,” Eliot said. “And mine has a range of like seven yards. Not exactly worthy of the O.K. Corral.”

“You scared?” Lancaster needled.

Eliot laughed. “That don’t work on professionals, hoss. I got nothing to prove to you.”

“Then put it this way.” Lancaster spun the cylinder on his revolver, sliding bullets in as he spoke. “I’m shooting either way. You can pick up that gun and defend yourself, or stand there and take a bullet. Doesn’t matter to me.”

Fire sirens joined the cacophony of alarms, but no one was coming inside. Waiting for the bomb squad, probably—he had to keep stalling. Slowly, he lowered himself into a crouch and reached for the derringer, his eyes on Lancaster’s right hand. He’d holstered the gun and stood with his feet planted wide, grinning.

“How do you see this going down?” Eliot asked. 

Lancaster flexed his hands. “You pick up the gun. It’s already loaded, but you’ll need to cock the hammer. Stand with it at your side, and then we draw. Fastest man wins.”

“Speed’s got nothing to do with it if you can’t land a hit,” Eliot said.

“Then I guess we’re about to test your aim.”

Great—Eliot had no idea if he could shoot. Probably, given his other skills, but it would be just his luck that guns weren’t one of the weapons he was apparently proficient with. But even if he could shoot, even if he could manage to hit Lancaster at the edge of the derringer’s range, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Whatever he’d done in the past, whoever he’d been before… he didn’t want to be a killer. Parker had trusted him to follow her out, and if killed Lancaster now…

He wasn’t sure how much of himself would stay behind.

“On three?” Eliot asked. He’d picked up the gun, frowning at the feel of the short handle in his palm, but was careful to keep it pointed away from Lancaster. 

“So you can shoot on two?” Lancaster said. “You’re not getting inside my head, Spencer. Just draw.”

“It’s not really drawing if I don’t have a holster,” Eliot muttered. He lifted the gun carefully, keeping it at his hip as he rose on his good leg.

“There’s no talking your way out of this one,” Lancaster said, sneering. “Either way, you’re not getting out of this alive.”

Eliot went still. “Either way?”

Lancaster’s fingers twitched, and his gaze darted toward a clock on the wall over Eliot’s head. “You think you’re the only one who can stall?”

Alarms and sirens screamed. Eliot’s heart pounded, sending stabs of adrenaline through him—but no fear. Time was up, and he was getting out. 

He’d made a promise.

“You assumed I had to call to set off the bombs,” Lancaster said, misinterpreting his silence. “That ain’t the only way to do it. I would’ve taken a long lunch, only to come back and find the evil Mr. Ford had made good on his threats again—but this will work. You’ve got about ten seconds to decide whether you want to go out with a bang or a bullet.”

Eliot fired. He aimed high, hoping to take Lancaster by surprise, make him flinch—hoping to steal an extra second while he turned for the door. Lancaster’s gun clicked behind him—a misfire—the idiot had probably tried using the ammunition in the gun belt. He didn’t look over his shoulder to see if Lancaster was following. He fixed his eyes on the doors—on the golden hair he could see beyond them.

The explosion started above them. Without the charges in the basement, the building shook, but held—windows burst overhead, raining glass down on the sidewalk outside. The firefighters and police flinched at the sound, hurrying to usher spectators out of the way. Eliot’s leg gave out and he stumbled, caught himself on one hand, and ran on. He was ten feet away—seven, five, two.

The next charges blew as his hand hit the door, and the force of the blast threw it open, glass shattering around him. He lost his feet, crashing into the sidewalk as heat exploded against his back, and then something hit his head—

[bt-tarot]

hi, ozzy! hope all's well 🫶🏻

Could u see how's Hyunjin as a boyfriend? love the way u write your readings and how u express it S2

Hi!! First of all, I want to say sorry bc I haven't been posting much lately, the energy of the eclipse is making me feel drained and also everything has been really hectic these days.

I will split this reading in two because is really long, like REALLY long. At least the tarot part. A lot of cards fell.

✨Hyunjin as a boyfriend Pt. 1✨

Five of Pentacles + Page of Cups, Nine of Pentacles, The World Ten of Swords + The Empress Rev. Bottom of the deck: Seven of Cups Rev.

Date of the reading: 2025/03/07

♡Touch here for part 2♡

I think in early stages of the relationship he would feel insecure or shy, but he would open up and offer his sincere feelings from the beginning. He would like to give his all to his partner and start very innocently, but as the relationship progresses his insecurities will make him slowly isolate himself. He may feel that he can’t provide enough or be present enough because of his responsibilities or he might feel left in the cold at times even though the other person is making the effort.

Aside from his insecurities, I think he would put a lot of care into it, like a plant, he would nurture the connection and take care of the relationship. He would be very caring and kind. He would love to keep doing that for a long period of time. I’m getting that he would like to see how the relationship will develop in the future and he would be very excited about who he will become and how they both will grow and transform with the relationship. It's like he wants to have a time machine and see how they both would look like as an old couple.

His ultimate goal is to spend a lot of time with them, to feel fulfilled. I think that when he’s in a relationship he often sees it as the completion of a cicle or something that needed to happen in order to grow and become a better person. I’m getting he enters in a relationship with the final goal of knowing the person deeply and know if they can take the next step live together or marriage and he doesn’t like to waste time in unfulfilling relationships. He learns to love bits of himself with his partners and he wants to do the same for them. He thinks often about how would it be like to be completely vulnerable with someone and receive the same openness.

I got kind of a side note. He might be prone to deception. I think he often idolizes his partners, like really putting them on the highest pedestal but since they’re only humans, he would feel betrayed when they fall from it. It’s not entirely his fault, because I don’t think he does this intentionally, but it’s not his partner’s fault either, because it’s not their responsibility to fit the idea he has of them. I think because he idolizes his person he doesn’t see their flaws at first, no matter how heavy those are, so once reality hits is really painful.

I think he would feel terrible after putting them down the pedestal, but at the same time, from the start he knew deep in his heart that this would’ve happened, because it happened before, but he’s always sure he’s not idolizing the other person until it’s too late and then he gets hurt and everything falls apart. I’m getting that at times like this he feels guilty as well because he knows he should expect nothing, but he can’t slow down his feelings or thoughts, it just happens.

Aside from that I’m getting that he narrows his options, I don't understand if it's before he's in the relationship or after, tho. He’s a one person’s boy, he will fixate over someone. He loves so intensely that anything else just disappears. Not like he would be overly possessive or obsessive, but he will be loyal, committed and exclusive. He would like to do romantic things together and he just wants to freeze time to make the most of it with his lover. He would like to take all of his ideas and the romantic stuff he envisions and make them all a reality with his partner. His partner must expect to do a lot of activities because I think he has a loooong list of ideas that he wants to do with his partner, call it dates, topics he wants to discuss, games that he wants to play, books that he want to recommend, music he wants to listen together, anything, really. It’s almost like he wants to live life all over again but with his person.♠︎

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Thank you for waiting! I liked this reading, I like when the spirits help and I connect well with the energy of the person I'm reading.

Honestly, Hyunjin's energy have been very easy to read, I don't know if it's the questions or that he likes my decks but this gave me a lot of info and I think is coherent? It's crazy because you can't make this things up and it just fits him like a glove that surprises me.

I don't even know what am I surprised about, I'm the one who reads tarot cards and study astrology but I don't know! I still find it so magical and mind blowing how everything connects and matches and how the cards work it's just... I love this.

And thank you for liking my readings! I wish I could just speed up and answer all the questions but it takes time sometimes... Specially with long reading like this.

I also think that I'm becoming a yapper with this kind of readings, I usually don't like to write much at the end of the posts like I'm doing rn, I want to keep it simpler, but it's like when you hang out with extroverted people and you end up matching their energy, that's what I feel after connecting with this kind of energies. It feels refreshing and safe.

Part two is up now!

Thank you for asking 🦇♡

[wolfgirlwithahalo]

“Hi! I’m Maddy! Nice to meet you! Please, come on in!” *I smile brightly and my tail wags softly behind me*

Hi! I’m Maddy! I’m a wolf-girl! This side blog is my safe space for comfy and cozy and cuddly and cute things alike! Everything all about me, you can find right here! I’m suuuuper duper emotionally sensitive, so please be considerate and nice when interacting on this page! Thank you! Oh! And this intro post will probably be updated regularly, as I love to think up of more things to share about myself with everyone, and make my bio more pretty, too! Make it more…well, me themed!

Below the cut, is all about me!

Anywhos it whatsit, here’s some things about me!

Hmmmm, let’s see…well, I’m 20 years old, my birthday is on May 25th, I’m a female, my pronouns are she/her, I’m a Gemini, I’m straight, and currently mateless. My persona is a wolf-girl / animal-girl hybrid because it makes me feel comfortable in my own skin and happy! It’s how I express myself, so please be open and understanding of that!

And no, this persona is not apart of the therian/otherkin, agere/petre, or did system communities, though it does represent a more animalistic and childlike side of me, and all mentioned communities are welcome here ( as this blog will probably only be sfw ) as long as you follow my dni!

Here’s my personality and general appearance!

Appearance: Short, tiny, hourglass body. Long, wavy brunette hair. Lavender doe eyes. Long eyelashes. Fair, flawless, pale skin. Sharp teeth/claws. White wolf ears & tail. Short pretty flowy lavender dress!

Personality: Innocent, pure, sensitive, fragile, delicate, weak, vulnerable, kid-gloved, easily hurt and scared and overwhelmed, timid, shy, skittish, timorous, introverted yet extroverted, oversensitive, soft, touchy, emotional, moody, overly emotional, impressionable, dependent, reliant, pack-oriented, family-oriented, clingy, needy, bratty, pouty, naive, childish, childlike, cry/whiny baby, ingénue, sinless, virtuous, giddy, giggly, ingenious, genuine, honest, sincere, loyal, devoted, committed, caring, loving, sweet, gentle, naturally affectionate, compassionate, considerate, thoughtful, passionate, kindhearted, trustworthy, trusting, blissfully ignorant/unaware, essentially dumber than a virgin, and I has separation/social anxiety and have occasional attachments!

My hobbies, likes, dislikes/hates, favorites, & fears!

Hobbies: Drawing, sleeping, listening to music, playing video games, cuddling, watching movies and YouTube, playing, napping, collecting figures and plushies, laying in bed with my plushies, buying more plushies, snuggling, and taking baths!

Likes: Animals!, pet/nicknames, being called by name, father/big brother figures, other wolf/fox/dog boys! :0, protectors, big strong nice males, gentlemen, love and affection, cuddles and snuggles, hugs and kisses, nuzzles and closeness, touch and attention, ear and back rubs, being pet, my tail, my hair and tail being pet and brushed, baths, naps, games, gentleness, sweetness, innocence, wholesomeness, playtime, nap time, praise, cleanliness, being asked for consent or permission to touch and pet, especially my fur!

Dislikes/Hates: Animal abuse! >:0, being teased, females, meanies, bullies, mean males, roughness, pain, smokers, hunters and the like, dirt and crumbs in my fur, not being asked for consent or permission before touching, especially my fur!, and males who only talk to me because they’re feeling naughty! T^T

Favorites:

Color: Lavender/Lilac purple! 🪻💜

Animal: Wolves, or canines in general! 🐺🦊

Food/Snacks: Cucumbers, potatoes, smoothies, and anything and everything sweets! 🥒🥔🥤🍪

Time of Day/Weather: At night, or when it’s gray and raining/thundering! 🌑⛈️

Season: Fall or winter! 🍁❄️

Flower: Lavender, lilacs, roses and peonies!🪻🌸🌹🌺

Fears: Fireworks, bugs, especially cockroaches and spiders!, ghosts, and overly dominant males

And here’s some more things & medias that I’m into!

Anime: Attack on Titan, Black Butler, Demon Slayer, Haikyuu!, Jujutsu Kaisen, Komi Can’t Communicate, My Hero Academia, Spy X Family, Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Revengers

Video Games: Animal Crossing, Disney Dreamlight Valley, Kirby, Genshin Impact, Honkai Starrail, Zenless Zone Zero, Wuthering Waves, Spyro, Super Mario Bros.

Movies: How to Train Your Dragon, Howl’s Moving Castle, Luca, My Neighbor Totoro, Ponyo, Raya and the Last Dragon, Super Mario Bros., Tangled, Turning Red

“Where’s Mr. Ratio…? I miss him…can we go find him?” *My fluffy ears and tail droop low and I whimper sadly*

I’m also a vegan for the animals! So talk about animal abuse / cruelty with me will not be appreciated in the slightest! And if you are, or support or are neutral about the following things, please do not interact, and leave me in peace without any comments or confrontation, or even if you’re just curious about it!

DNI: Hunters/hunting, trappers/trapping, smokers/smoking, vapers/vaping, juulers/juuling, four-twenty/weed/marijuana/drug related, fishers/fishing, animal farmers/farming, taxidermists/taxidermy, vulture culture/enthusiasts, “oddity” manufacturers/collectors, animal part ( fur, skin, pelts, bones, skeletons, claws, teeth, feet, hooves, antlers, horns, jackets, coats, boots, leather, clothing, jewelry, accessories, decorations, insects, roadkill ) selling/buying/collecting, z••iles, horse riders/riding, horse racers/racing, dog racers/racing, dog sledders/sledding, com-/pro-/self-shippers, etc. etc.

You will be blocked immediately if you violate my DNI

( Will not be answering asks/questions about any dni topics on this blog, this is for my safe topics only! Makes my heart beat and hurt like crazy…too stressful, too scary… )

Tags because I want to find people to follow!

[bill-gates-hate-blog]

2024 was a ...challenging year, to say the least. To be frank, I experienced some of the worst things that can happen to anybody, at least insofar as interpersonal relationships. I've been on the receiving end of unbelievable amounts of misogyny and victim blaming from people I trusted, or had assumed were good people, to put it very lightly. People I had known for almost 12 years, at this point. I'm 24. That's half my life.

I'm not a person who generally likes to post things in a sincere way, at least not when it comes to stuff like this. I tend to joke about my own abuse a lot, and I've also made some angry vent posts on here when everything first started going down. I'm all about the art of Posting, even though I'm not very good at it. Sincerity is something I reserve for my friends.

Why share this at all? It's mostly for me, as a capstone to the old year. Symbolic, in a way. Talking about it brings me peace. But it could also help somebody else.

Trigger warnings for SA, emotional abuse, suicidal ideation... all that good stuff.

Earlier this year, in April, I was sexually assaulted by a close friend. We had been flirting on and off for about a year at that point, but I had rapidly grown uncomfortable with it.

He had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who I didn't want to harm, even though I would never have described us as the best of friends.

She was asexual, you see. And this guy... did not handle it well. I think some ace/allo couples can make it work. This guy was obviously not capable of that.

You see, unbeknownst to me at the time, long before he started hitting on me, I had been a dumping ground for his abuse. Whenever his girlfriend didn't live up to the insane pedestal he had put her on, he would take it out on me. Not in romantic contexts, mind you.

I joined this website in 2015, at the age of 15. Fun fact, I didn't have consistent access to the internet, then or before. My parents would shut off the wifi whenever they saw fit, to punish us--even if we needed if for school projects. Overly restrictive at best.

Tumblr was my first real social media presence, and I had irl friends on the site (love you soph). It was also the first time I could talk to or contact anybody outside of school or orchestra rehearsals or whatnot. I had no phone, no way to plan hangouts with my friends, and to be frank, I couldn't spend time with anybody unless they invited me somewhere. My family's house is so desperately messy that we couldn't invite people over. Even now, I come home for Christmas and I have to pick one room to clean before I get exhausted. I come back three weeks later and it's messy again.

Tumblr was also the first platform on which he abused me. Mind you, he wasn't here as a Blogger or anything. He made his Tumblr just to communicate with me, because I was so isolated from my friends by my lack of a phone.

You see, my friend had horrendous depression when we were in high school. It was, I now realize, something that was comorbid with his EXTREMELY undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder (as well as unmedicated ADHD.) Part of the reason he had acquired a girlfriend at this time, he'd tell me a few years later, was that he was looking desperately, for any reason to live. Whenever he started getting suicidal, he'd text this girlfriend.

When she told him she could no longer handle it, he'd go to me.

And that's how it started. He'd get on this website, he'd talk about how depressed he was--then he'd start random arguments, subtly devalue me, and accuse me of lacking empathy for his pain. There was one particularly egregious example where he sent me a several paragraph long text about how I should french kiss a woodchipper. I could not for the life of me tell you what provoked that. Something completely innocuous, i think. He revealed later that it was all something he did on purpose to make himself feel worse, because by provoking me i would hurt him, and he's the real victim here, right?

I'd try everything to help, because I loved my friend, but it's obviously not a task any teenage girl should be taking on. Ultimately, I just ended up taking on the brunt of his abuse because I was so scared he'd hurt himself, and I made excuses whenever he mistreated me. It will not escape the astute reader that I probably had an abusive upbringing, too.

I started getting an addictive rush every time an interaction went well. I loved talking to him. I couldn't possibly explain why, back then. I thought we must have simply had a very strong friendship, one where we made up quickly after every argument. Of course, I forgave him after every apology he never meant.

This is something called a trauma bond.

It's a coping mechanism for being trapped in the cycle of abuse, and it's often the thing that keeps you trapped, if it's not financial ties or having children with someone.

In junior year, on the second day of school, he tried to commit suicide by overdosing. He told me. Not only that, he told me it was all my fault, and that I wouldn't even care. I didn't notice, because I was too busy hyperventilating and calling 911. There was a terrifying moment where I couldn't remember his address.

But he's here. Alive. On this planet. Because of my actions. I don't pretend it makes me a good person or anything, I think anybody would have done it. I'm not special.

He got diagnosed with ADHD after that, and managed to get on medication for his depression. I'm not sure he stopped abusing me, but the instances where he'd pretend my feelings didn't matter or that he'd have an outrageous outburst of cruelty slowed down. Became more sporadic. By the time we were in college, things were pretty good.

In 2021, I moved to Pittsburgh full-time. I had decided to work for the same university where I had acquired my degree. He had come to Duquesne univesity in 2020, after taking his gen eds at a community college in my hometown. Predictably, we started spending time and drinking together. He had a girlfriend, so I never considered him available and for the first time, his relationship actually seemed to be based on love and mutual trust--not the looming threat of suicide lest his girlfriend ever leave him.

Still, one night September of 2022, when we were both really drunk, he started pestering me asking if he could put his face in my tits. I took it as a joke at first, but he kept asking. Eventually I did it just to shut him up (and he did a right shoddy job of it) but I felt uncomfortable around him for months. I have... never been in a relationship, nor had I anything remotely resembling a sexual encounter at this point.

I think my hypersexuality started here. I dreaded seeing him again, until it was suddenly fine, we talked about the tit incident, and I'd forgiven him. I did notice a significant uptick in my libido, but I still considered him off limits. Instead, I found myself randomly crushing on a different male friend seemingly out of nowhere. I obsessively started to crave physical touch and had no idea how to get it, and i couldn't make my brain work the way dating apps wanted me to. On my birthday in march of 2023, the other male friend and I cuddled a bunch -- I realized this was one of the first times I had acted on my hypersexuality with another person, mild though it was.

When my roommate had to leave the city due to the rising costs of student loans and studying at the university I worked at, I moved into a one-bedroom apartment. My other "friend" who went to Carnegie Mellon had graduated earlier that year. My abuser and I were alone. His girlfriend was graduated and gone home to eastern PA.

Now there was nobody to watch us. And he took advantage of it.

In late july of 2023, once my beloved roommate had taken all the skeletons in the divorce, my abuser confessed to me that he'd always fantasized about me. I dismissed it, once again, as drunken antics. But suddenly I felt so vindicated! It felt nice, as a girl who had never been approached like that, who had been "one of the guys," to be validated as a woman, as a sexual being. I told him "As long as you don't act on it, it's probably fine." He later told me his plan that night had been to sleep with me so he could break up with his girlfriend and kill himself. Awesome, right? What a normal thing to be told.

Things started to escalate with a slow boil after that, though never very far. We'd start talking about our fantasies, and I liked to gather physical touch from him in ways i thought were innocent. He revealed to me his girlfriend was asexual--something she'd actually previously told me, and had me really confused when he first revealed that they'd had sex. I figured she just might have been demisexual like me, but it seemed she had told him she'd never wanted to have sex with him again. He took it very maturely, as you can clearly see throughout this whole saga.

That relationship wasn't long for this world, I knew. Even then, I didn't want to be the thing that broke them up, despite my growing uncontrollable attraction to him. None of my friends would ever forgive me. I just hoped that he'd have the sense to see they were incompatible, and break up amicably.

Lol. Lmao.

Eventually, I got sick of him slowly pushing my boundaries more and more, and I told him I didn't want to hurt his girlfriend, and we needed to stop. I minimized contact, I refused to drink with him anymore, I just wanted to spend time together as friends. He started guilt tripping me, but that was that.

In January, after holiday break, we had a mutual friend come to my apartment. I figured he wouldn't be stupid to bring up our drama when I had considered it over and done with in November. I was comically wrong, and the friend overheard everything. He said that I was "starting to catch feelings too strongly" and that I was "playing the game" (He was very upset I had mentioned our affair to two of our mutual friends, and he wanted to make sure I was swiftly punished for it.) I had also tried to be sincere with him about how I was feeling the last time we had seen each other, though I hadn't called it love at that point. I just liked being with him.

Trauma bond will do some fuckshit to you, but I was trying my best to be a good person despite that-- be honest about my feelings--all of them, even the ones that were wrong, in the hopes that all of this could be solved in a way that wasn't completely catastrophic.

Well, I do realize now he was doing some comical levels of blameshifting, but he told me we shouldn't see each other for a solid two months--fine. But he didn't have to drag this up in front of our poor, unrelated friend. I was furious.

The next time we spent time together, he sexually assaulted me. I use that term because neither 'groping' nor 'rape' is accurate. He jumped on top of me, shoved his face in my breasts, started massaging my waist, told me how pretty I was, and when he went in to kiss my neck. I pushed his jaw away with the heel of my palm. Obviously not the most traumatic thing anybody ever experienced, but enough to make me lose 10 pounds in a week. I had no appetite. He started wallowing in my DMs after that. I told him I understood why he drew the conclusions he drew, and that we both had shit to work on. I could tell he wanted to see me so badly... things were going wrong with his girlfriend again. Well, he was graduating in a month. Now I didn't need to feel sorry at all when he'd leave me alone in Pittsburgh.

I only told my best friend. I didn't want to shatter the friend group and I suspected no one would believe me. (Edit: Also important: The Fear of him killing himself if his girlfriend broke up with him.) Said best friend would be coming over in a few weeks for his birthday. Then he would be driving me home in late may, in tow with all the furniture he was taking from the apartment he'd be vacating. That was it.

I felt horrible for a few days. Then it set my blood on fire.

I told my best friend "I need to remember how Saturday felt," because I could feel my libido rapidly rising. Every second he wasn't there felt like there were razor blades in my veins.

I figured I hadn't been affected by the assault, because i wasn't sex-averse or touch averse like many assault victims. It was something I craved more than ever. I wasn't ever going to approach him, but I knew I wasn't going to stop him if he tried something.

And he tried. He tried many things. We only saw each other three times after that, and every time he took something more, went a little further. Very frequently without asking. Largely this stuff falls under the umbrella of sexual coercion-- I wouldn't have consented to it if he had asked-- but it was generally things I didn't want to say no to. I wanted it violently. I reasoned that I must have allowed it to happen because I was in love with him.

Every time he left, it brought more pain. I couldn't eat. I figured that was what heartbreak felt like. I kept trying to move on and reaffirm myself without him, and kept it secret because I didn't know what would happen if I snitched.

He came back an extra time in early july, with a group of my friends. I figured he wouldn't be stupid enough to try something with four of our other friends supervising us. I was, again, wrong.

I was extremely sleep deprived (44 hours). I'd had very little food because I couldn't bring myself to eat. (on reflection, these were trauma bond withdrawal symptoms.) He had demanded to drink. The friends, (none of whom I'd told anything about this-- or not anything more than "I think he needs to break up with his girlfriend because he likes me, and I don't know how to deal with it") had all gone to bed, given tomorrow'd be a long drive for them. Again, we were alone.

I had a chance to grill him about using me! And be sincere about my feelings. And deliver the ultimate truth: That he and his girlfriend were completely incompatible, and that all his actions over the past several months proved it.

At first I pushed him off me. When he started taking my clothes off, I was like "fuck it. he can do what he wants."

That whole night was him acting on me, and me lying there, pins and needles punctuating every movement because my skin was so sensitive from the sleep deprivation and sunburn--he put me in a headlock without warning, rammed my head into the bed, pulled my hair really hard (my sunburnt scalp!)... I'm a masochist, but it's never okay to do these things without prior warning or discussion. He could have hurt or killed me.

He gaslit me after that incident, said it was my fault for letting him drink, and that I had refused to let him go home (Our friend had called him, multiple times, asking if he needed a ride.) I believed him at first. It wasn't until I recorded everything in my diaries and started talking to my more supportive friends (I have a very detailed memory, especially when it comes to this stuff) that I realized he was full of shit.

The stress from everything caused me to faint in late july. In august, my mental health started rapidly deteriorating, and I ended up dumping a nice boy because he wasn't as abusive as I needed him to be, and because I needed sex now and wasn't sure how I was going to want it from him unless he violated me. Also he didn't want kids.

We started talking about telling the girlfriend. He was convinced that she wouldn't break up with him. After all, we'd never had sex--just fondling, he reasoned. I warned him that all I needed to do was be honest about the sexual assault.

I didn't know I was trauma bonded, I didn't know I was hypersexual, i didn't know I was anything other than a shitty person. When he started hitting on me over voice call again, I decided I was sick of waiting for him to grow a pair and that I'd tell her myself.

Well. The great news is that he was super wrong about his girlfriend not breaking up with him. The bad news is when we stopped talking to each other, he did the craziest blameshifting I'd ever seen, completely reversed victim and offender, and told the events of july 6th like I was a jealous infatuate who had assaulted and inebriated him to get what I wanted-- never mind that he had taken my clothes off first, and that I was too sleep deprived to stop him.

The most abusive part of a relationship like this is the end. Never forget that.

The only reason I knew I could qualify any of this as abuse wasn't the specifics of what he said to demean me, or the DARVO-ing me, or my hypersexual reaction to his assault. No, it was the breaking of the trauma bond after he refused to talk to me, as one final insane punishment.

Did you know trauma bonds have physical withdrawal symptoms? I sure do now :)

Easily the most painful experience out of all of this was those symptoms. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I lost 15 pounds in a month. (He's an excellent personal trainer! I do not recommend!) Tension headaches. I still have moments where I completely disassociate because I don't feel like any of this happened to me, because breaking trauma bonds ALSO give you PTSD on top of the residual bullshit from the actual assault.

It was catastrophic. I was grieving because I lost a lot of friends in very brutal ways, people blamed me or ignored the whole sexually-assaulted-me part, and I was withdrawing from everything and everyone because again, more fun trauma bond withdrawal symptoms.

But I pushed through that. He made it easy by throwing a tantrum and refusing to talk. He still doesn't believe he's done anything wrong. [Fun fact! I have learned this is a cute little technique is called a narcissistic discard! I told everybody it was an instrument in his abuse of me and I was fucking right!]

I have given up faith that he can be a better person, although that pains me greatly. Too many moronic idiot males reinforcing his behavior, because men like this find other men like them. Not only that, but people are too busy blaming me for not saying anything earlier [victim blaming] and not a fucking peep at him for, you know, sexually harassing me for two years. Because holding him accountable would make them "uncomfortable." Really feminist and progressive, honestly.

Now, my life is so much better. I have a renewed interest in life, in the things I want to research and create-- and even better, someone actually worth my time will fuck me. (Eventually. getting into a relationship while recovering from a trauma bond is dangerous. I've been relapsing as of late, in part due to ill-advised whispers from a friend that he is willing to apologize. For that to happen, he has to understand what he did to me first. He doesn't, and he's still too busy thinking none of this is his fault, actually. But I'll die before I let him get away with it.)

Here's to the New Year. If it can be broken by the truth, it must be.